The last 17 days.

I have 17 more days in the Air Force. Im kinda scared! But Im more pissed. It seems that if I was going to have any regrets about getting out vs staying in, my leadership has squashed it! I have been the shop bitch for far far too long. My schedule has been fucked with, my days off taken away and I have a whole 3 days off to 'outprocess' when most everyone else gets 10. I now get to work 12 hour shifts for the next 12 days. Oh yea, and its grave shift. So from 6pm to 6am, I get to try to sleep during the day under the elephants that live upstairs. Jesus. I guess I can go through anything during these last 17 days but come on! Do we really need to test my limits?? Im about to go ape shit on my leadership...17 more days, 17 more days, 17 more days.

Then what? Oh yea...then Im a CIVILIAN!! Im gonna pierce my nose and do whatever the fuck I want. Im stoked to be back in Reno for a while and Im stoked to spend with my mom and dad and maybe even see my brother and soon to be sister in law at times ;)

Ok, just had to vent. I hate my job. In case you all didnt already know that...

Day Dates

Yesterday Jason and I decided to go out somewhere and do something that we normally dont do. I suggested walking across the Golden Gate bridge and he agreed so off we went! It was awesome. It was kinda overcast so we were a bit nervous that if wouldnt last but it was a great day. On the way up there Jason mentioned some old World War 2 batterys up in the area so we decided to bypass the toll fee on the GG bridge and went out hunting for adventure. It was amazing. On the furthest point to the ocean there are these old barracks and watch posts, and lighthouse all to keep the eye out on the Pacific for any enemys. This place is amazing! Sucks that some folks like to grafitti but it was pretty intense just walking around this place. On the way home we got kinda lost and decided to walk around the downtown marina area of Sausalito...crazy rich area!! We bought a bag of salt water taffy and held hands and it was so freaking cool. On the way home we stopped for some movies and a bottle of wine and had Jenn and Eric over to watch Annapolis. I made some fabulous chicken with jalepenos and after Jenn and Eric left, Jason and I watched the first Nightmare on Elm St. (we bought the first 4 in the series for a whole 13 bucks) It was a perfect Saturday. Just had to share.

Weekends are fun :)

I had a great weekend. I was pure bliss! I had Friday off so I cleaned and did lots of stuff (see below post) and then went out to the bar on Friday night (wearing a pair of jeans I havent been able to fit into in about 4 years) and Jason stayed over, he has been sick lately so he has been going back to his own bed (and toilet). The morning was amazing, laying in bed giggling with him and just kinda teasing and having fun is just...amazing :) After he left for the gym I went over to Jenns for our Saturday morning ritual of drinking lots of coffee with some Lifetime. It wouldnt have been Valentines day with my single best freind if we didnt start drinking wine pretty early :) We talked and caught up and made plans and it was perfect. I love my best freind!! Then I had to go home to get ready for dinner with Jason at Cattlemans...YUM. I even put on heels and a dress. We show up at 6 and the wait was 2 hours! No problem for us, we snag a drink (they had a lovers special, a Cosmo with champagne!) and sit and wait. We LOVE to people watch and this waiting room was pretty funny to watch! Jason getting GAWKED at by the blonde with the short boyfreind, the fat lady with my moms haircut chowing down her fried onion rings and HUGE steak, the couple with the fanny pack who laid claim to the couch, the itty bitty hostess with the HUGE voice calling out names. It was fun. We just spent the time together. We finally get seated and had a fabulous dinner, with dessert and all. The salad dressing was pure bliss, the steak was out of this world and the dessert made Jasons eyes roll to the back of his head. After dinner we stopped by the local 'adults only' store and met some really interesting people with some very wierd fetishes (pregnant submission, shemales) it was entertaining :) So then what do we do? We go home, change into jammies and watch Saw 5. What else do couples do on Valentines Day? LOL. We were both stuffed rotten from dinner so we just went to bed.

Sunday was fun too, woke up late. Went to the gym where I get the gossip from Jenn and listen to Jason on the treadmill behind me huffing and puffing through his 5 miles. Enjoy a couple cups of coffee and head to Target. I was supposed to get everything I needed there, but I didnt. All I could find was the damn iPOD usb cable I needed, so I bought When Harry Met Sally and a bag of chips and dip and said 'screw the Slimfast I needed, Ill get it tomorrow.' Made it to Petco to get the little Purr Pads for my cats (those things are like MAGNETS!) Went home, watched my new movie with my bag of chips and relaxed until Jason showed up. He shows up a couple hours later and we put some CDs onto my ipod with my new cable. We make it to the movies and watch The International (btw, we were by FAR the youngest people in this theatre, its like it was the old fogies showing) good movie...on the way home we stopped and got some stuff to make peanut butter cookies (all natural pb, splenda instead of sugar) and I found some gluton free pizza! Go me! At home we mix up the cookies and start our newest Netflix show, Dexter.

It was a great weekend. Im sure I could have made that shorter haha, but hey, its my blog damnit :)

Motivation much??

Man, I feel like a new woman today! I had to wake up early (haha, yea 8am) and go to a girly appointment (who DOESNT like getting manhandled in the morning?). After my doc visit I made it to the gym for my 45 minutes of my ass hurting on the sitting bike. I drove to base to 'sign in' for PT for work and went grocery shopping. Now, at the store I really only needed a few things, like chicken, diet coke, coffee, and pickles...so what happens? Yea, I spend $178 bucks...but at least I remembered to get some quarters for laundry. But I forgot my slimfast shakes, damnit.

Oh well. I come home, unload my groceries and put them all away (finally looks like a grown up lives here instead of a college teen) As Im getting my clothes ready for laundy I realize all the other 'shit' I have around my place. So I start to throw it all away. Those Beanie Babys that are like 15 years old (dont worry, they were only going for about 7 bucks on ebay, I checked) anyways, I threw them away. Those old crappy picture frames that I got in a set of 400 for 20 bucks? Gone. Those dangly things randomly placed throughout my apartment? Gone. Those wierdly tall glasses for margaritas that I had filled with bottle caps? Gone. All the papers and keepsakes that I will never really know why I kept? Gone.

So now, my laundry is almost done, my house is CLEAN and Im ready for a nap! I love days off :)

I lost my cat!

LOL, not like that...Rosie's fat ass was on my scale the other morning and I saw that she weighs a nice round 10lbs. Today before my walk I weighed myself and saw that I have lost 10lbs since January! Go me! So now when I pick up Rosie I get to actually feel how much weight I have shed. Its amazing.

SERIOUSLY??

How hard is it to simply follow the rules?? Crosswalks are for pedestrians, blinkers are so other cars know that you are turning, assigned parking spaces are for the person ASSIGNED to that space, no parking zones mean NO PARKING. Is it really all that hard? I didnt think so but almost everyday I come home to someone either IN my parking space or in the 'No Parking' zone blocking my space. I mean really...how much time are you saving? Do you have no concept that other people actually excist here on planet earth?? Drive between the lines, yield the right of way, pull over when ambulances come up behind you, GO on green, leave your kids at a sitters if your going to an adult move, dont talk during the movie, turn your cell phone on silent in the gym, movie, resteraunt, take your screaming children outside...its not really that hard is it??

Confusion

How do some people lives turn out so...wrong? How is it that in my little apartment complex there are so many ways of life! I hear my upstairs neighbors yelling all the time. There are 4 of them in that one bedroom. They drive a sooped up SUV and have a big flatscreen TV but their kids sleep on bunk beds in the only bedroom. The family yells and fights all the time. The neighbors next to me are 21 and have a 2 year old. The husband is outside smoking and on his phone all the time and I hardly ever see the wife. They are never together and never seem to be enjoying each other. Driving home today I had to pause for a bunch of gang banger to get out of the driveway because they were too busy yelling across the street to some other teenagers (there were about 8 cops out there too, Im nosy as hell and want to know WHATS GOING ON??) Where do these lives get so...mixed up? There is no way that these kids are happy with where they are in life? Do they even know that there is a whole other world out there? Are they even WANTING to know? Im not saying my life is perfect but I grew up with morals and rules. If the sign says 'No Parking' then I simply dont park there. If My buddy is passed out in the bushes then Im going to wake his drunk ass up and make sure he isnt sufficating himself with his own vomit.

Where do we go 'right' and where do we go 'wrong' growing up? How do I realize that some people just dont care that they never leave Vacaville? How do I realize that some people are simply going to drink their lives away because their wife died? How do I stop caring? What am I supposed to do...just sit back and live my cushy life (that I formed all by myself!) and dont worry about them and how they are throwing away the only life they will get? Im just so angry that some people will just sit back and allow these things to own thier lives.

You have a shitty job? QUIT!
You have bad parents that dont love you? MOVE OUT AND LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE
Your wife died 3 years ago and you are now an alcoholic? GROW UP! You are still alive!
You are 22 and think you know everything? DONT EVER COME BACK TO MY BAR, THERE IS NO HOPE ;) ( just kidding...kinda...I dont like you Jamie lol)

There is just so much out there that I think this town is slowing killing me. Everyone here is just kinda complacent. They are simply too lazy or too naive to think that life gets better. Life is out there, they just have to get off their asses, quit doing drugs, stop drinking your life away and GO FIND IT!!

Wow, ok...rant over :) Time for work, the job I hate that I sucked up and finished my 6 years of anyways...

Mornings

SO I was switched from working a normal job to 'swing' shift. At first I thought it was going to be almost as bad as finding out that beautiful dress you waited 6 months to find only comes in size 'small' but now that I am a few weeks into my new shift I am in LOVE!! I wake up about 10am, sit here at the computer with my girls Rosie and Fig and drink a couple cups of coffee, then I head to the gym to see Jenn and Jason and do my cardio. After the gym Ill sometimes enjoy another cup of coffee at the club still then Ill come home, make some lunch and pack my 'dinner' for work. Work is slow with no real bosses around so its quite nice and then I get off at 10! I can go out and stay out late or read a book until 0130. Its pure BLISS :)

So here, just cuz Im an attention whore for my favorite girls ever...(and if anyone can tell me how to get the pictures on the BOTTOM of the page that would be great)

New Years Resolutions??

Its February now...who is still actually following through with thier resolutions?? No one? Just me?

I had a whole list of trivial shit I wanted to 'do' this year. From actually giving up beer (gluton) to not drinking during the week to not putting up with bullshit from guys to finding Jack a new home and finally to get HEALTHY! Well, I think Im making some serious progress! I have not had gluton (beer, any small 'cheats' that I have been having) Since January. I found Jack an amazing new home and my carpet (and nerves!!) thank me. I cut back on alcohol, only once a week (soon to be never, but come on, thats a hard one to just DROP!) and I have lost 7 pounds!

I went out to eat really only 2 times in January. I am doing slimfast shakes and bringing veggies and snacks with me to work. I hit the gym 5-6 days a week to hit my sitting bike (I can thank my low back for not allowing me to do much of anything else) and I am getting FIT!

All these other times I would lose weight (hello Iraq! and 30lbs) I would just go right back to my old habits...pry why I gained the weight anyways right?? Duh! So Im thinking that this 'change' is amazing...I feel good. I dont crave Jack in the Box and after reading that my mexican pizzas have 35 grams of fat (almost 60% your daily requirement) I dont crave Taco Bell either! Most places have burgers and food but they are so high in fat that its INSANE! An ultimate cheeseburger from Jack/Crack have 1010 calories!! And 65 grams of fat! What the fuck?? An orea shake from Baskin Robins? 1400!!! Its nuts! No wonder America is FAT. Its all that is out there. They are all about showing off superhuman models and then the only options to eat really are hugely obese foods that dont really seem like they would be so bad for you! Its just a burger and a shake! No biggy! Except that burger and shake are your entire days calories and 2 days worth of fat! Yummy ;)

SO Im pretty happy. I should get down to my goal weight (155lbs, my weight after Iraq) in about 6 weeks. And after that Ill see how far my body wants to go. I was about 130-135 all throughout high school so maybe Ill aim for that number ;) Who knows? Ill let my body decide where its happy and healthy...

My next resolution is to pierce my nose...huh, only 5 more weeks and I can! Heres to St Patricks Day! My 'release day'!!

The new me

So, I have about 6 more weeks here in the military. And Im pretty much scared shitless!! I have had 2 full breakdowns so far. And I dont mean little 'oh no! what was I thinking??' breakdowns, but full, sobbing on the bathroom floor breakdowns.

I hate change. No wait, I HATE change. I love my nice, stable, cushy life. I love my one bedroom apartment. I love being able to buy the good coffee instead of the jug O' Folgers. I love knowing all the roads and seeing people I know while in town. But I HATE the unknown. I hate not knowing if Jason is getting stationed overseas. I hate not knowing if I can even save enough money to move to whereever he gets stationed. I hate not knowing how long I can actually put up with Reno.

My plan so far-- Move home to mommy and daddys spare bedroom. Mom is STOKED! Collect unemployment. Hey, I deserve it! I busted my ass in a life I hated for 6 years! Now I get to relax and breathe for a while. Ill be in Reno while Jason is in Basic and Tech school so it wont be too bad. I get to be home for my brothers wedding and my cousins baby! Im pretty excited to catch up on these events after all the other ones I missed while I was away :( Anyways- Jason will get stationed somewhere fabulous! We are hoping Seattle, Denver or anywhere in Florida. And I will apply for my X Ray Tech program and move to school. Jason will be living in the ghetto fabulous dorms and we will be just fine. Or not, but either way, Ill be going to school and Ill figure the rest out later LOL.

So, what do you think? 6 month break, move to somewhere to go to the program I really want to get into...NICE!

Breakups suck!!

Ok, Im done with my nap so I can write out what I really wanted to 'blog' about :)

It was all perfect about October. I was in new-relationship bliss with Jason and Jenn was really hitting it off with Jeremy. We would all hang out and it was IDEAL!!. So fast forward until Xmas time, Jeremy has been gone on a 40 day 'deployment'. When he came home he basically shafted Jenn and pushed her out of his life but still wanted to be 'freinds' even though he isnt even really good at that. But here we are now. Jason is freinds with Jeremy and Im freinds with Jenn. So how do we all still hang out?? Well, we dont. The bar has become kinda tense and cranky and we are constintely trying to console our freinds. But when does that end?? Breakups dont just affect the 2 people in the relationship! Jenn said she didnt approve of me hanging at Jeremys so if Jason goes over there I have been respectively declining. But now damnit I want to hang out with my boyfreind! So I put my foot down and told her that I was not going there for Jeremy but for Jason and I was not dis-respecting her in any way!!

So now its Superbowl Sunday. We are going to hang out at Jeremys for the game. And I managed to talk Jenn in to coming along! (she was slightly angry, saying she 'didnt have a choice' but still, maybe we can all be civil and end this craptastic 'breakup rut'!!)

Why do things have to be so difficult?? I dont want to go back to the way we were but its hard not to when we were so happy...

My apartment seems too quiet...

From my seat at the table I can see my entire apartment. I can see the kitchen with with pans still in the sink from lunch, I can see my living room with my cats Rosie and Fig on the couch. I can see my bedroom door (which is closed due to keeping the cats out now), the only thing missing is Jack. And Im ok with that. I had to make a decision. And I did what was best for him. Instead of being cooped up in my little 600sf slice of heaven all day he is now going to be living with his actual mom and dad on a huge ranch. He will be free to run around with lots of other Aussi's and have his people home all day. He gets to shoe horses with his new dad and go on walks with all his relatives. Its so amazing that I was able to give him back to the breeder that I bought him from. He will live out the rest of his life in pure puppy bliss!! ( and I dont have to pick up anymroe dog shit!)

Heres to you Jack!!